Groom Speech – family misfortunes

There is a tendency, when in light conversation with friends, to declare that your own family is odd, can lapse into the dysfunctional, and compromises of characters who wouldn’t look out of place in some sort of Channel 4 documentary. This could be reality, and you really do find yourself a one-man island in a bunch of misfits, but chances are yours is just like every other family, and its own unique dynamics. Unfortunately, nothing throws a spotlight on to these dynamics quite like a wedding, and nothing crystalises them more than the groom speech.

So, how do you navigate your way around some tricky family situations and relatives you’d rather didn't share your DNA? Well, it all depends on how fractious those relationships are, and what is going to sound disingenuous on the day. The biggest and trickiest relationships can be those with parents, usually due to divorce and separation. If you do have a difficult relationship with either parent, then less is always more. Do not omit speaking about them entirely because that will be louder than a thousand words, Instead, just succinctly and gently thank them for everything they have done for you, and move on. Whichever parent has played the more fulfilling role, then you can expand on the art they have played and don't worry about the difference in word count her compared to the other. If someone has given you the best years of their life they deserve the recognition, although keep it to a sensible amount.

Every now and again your future wife’s parents can prove a challenge, especially if they have  separated and now have new partners. Sometimes distance means you haven’t spent that much time with each other, and frequently your partner might not be that jazzed about who they’re now sharing their life with. My advice is to once again thank them for everything they’ve done, and always mention the partners. You don't have to go into detail, especially if it’s going to upset former partners, but the last thing you need is an irate in-law asking why their partner didn't get a mention when you’re at the bar later.

Occasionally, parents aren’t invited to the wedding or choose not to attend. This is, of course, a very sad situation, and how you deal with it depends on what you want those relationships to look like in the future. In our digital age, it’s more than likely that whatever you say is going to make its way back to them, and so sometimes grooms feel that the gentle mention of a parents who isn’t there, can make a path to a better place in years to come.

Whenever it comes to talking about both sets of parents in a groom speech, I usually advise to be as even handed with the word count as possible, because anything too disproportionate, and it can look pretty awkward fairly quickly. However, in the examples I’ve given above, being even handed isn’t going to work if there has been a much greater part played by some rather than others. Whatever you do, don't try to score points. Now is not the time to get your gripes across, it’s all about harmony and getting to the end of the night without regretting something you said, or indeed, didn't say.