This is a big speech. It’s not just that you’re up first, but this marks a very definite and emotional line in the sand, where your daughter is moving on to begin a new life and start her own family. Sure, she may have left home some years ago, but the father of the bride speech realises that transition and makes the passing of years and distant memories something that you need to grapple with
As you’re in pole position of all the speakers it’s also a speech that demands acknowledgements, thanks, tributes and welcomes, and you need to do all of this with a huge dollop of creativity, fun, celebration and entertainment, otherwise it’s just going to be one long list of names and thanks.
It’s also an emotional speech in parts, and so it should be, but the more profound bits need to be balanced with some genuine funny thoughts and observations to give it proper balance. If you can make people laugh they’ll love you for it and listen to everything you’ve got to say, so sprinkle that humour right the way throughout the speech.
Here is a short video with my thoughts and ideas on writing a great best man speech. I’ve expanded on those ideas below to give as much advice, hints and tips on writing a really great speech. Enjoy!
It may seem obvious but as you’re the first one up you need to do the welcoming. In fact, you should really be the only one that welcomes, otherwise it’s all going to get a little repetitive. The first thing you need to do is introduce yourself – use your name and what relationship you are to the bride. Very often, due to family circumstance, it’s an uncle, brother or sister making this speech, so set that out at the beginning, and simple is great. Also you need to consider the use of the words ‘ladies and gentlemen’. Some people find this too formal, and I never use it when writing US or Australian speeches, as they tend to have a more relaxed wedding culture. Instead just use the word ‘everyone’.
Family circumstance needs to be considered at this point too, because you should be making this on behalf of your wife as well. If you’re divorced then keep it simple and just address on behalf of her family instead.
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Chris, I’m Lucy’s stepfather, and . on behalf of my wife Sandra and I, it is my great pleasure to welcome you all here today.
Whilst the star of the show is undoubtedly your daughter, the father of the bride speech is actually a mega mix of all sorts of people who are, and have been, important in her life. That’s why the structure needs some careful thought.
Obviously, the first section is the welcome, and the welcome, and that needs to be as punchy as possible. If you can think of something funny to say after this either about your daughter, the venue, etc, then so much the better. That welcome should then be followed by a specific welcome to the groom’s parents, and an introduction to the groom. After this you can add in a toast to those no longer with us, if that’s appropriate to your situation.
The main bulk of the structure is then about your daughter. Here you want to take us through a logical, but fun pathway through her life to date. Weave in memories and stories as succinctly as possible, and acknowledge her achievements as subtly as you can. This doesn’t have to mean exam results and a glittering career, a lot of people make their mark in many other ways, and that needs to be included.
That pathways should then bring you neatly to her meeting her husband, and then you can talk about him, including when you first met, what’s he’s like as a person, and how happy you are he’s now part of the family. Following this you can bring in your wife and acknowledge everything she has done in raising your daughter to be the woman she is. If you’re divorced, then still do this, but choose your words carefully.
Then summarise what your daughter means to you, and then it’s on to the final toast, and you’re done.
As mentioned above comedy plays a big part in the father of the bride speech but you need to make sure it’s genuinely funny and well delivered. I like to put something funny in just after the introduction to lighten the atmosphere and let everyone relax, so you’re first joke has to be a good one, because if it falls flat it could be the longest 10 minutes of your life.
You should avoid any of the scripted ice breaker type gags as they’re never funny enough and very worn out, instead think of something funny that directly relates either to the location, your daughter, your new son in law, or the coming together of your two families.
This is a truly special occasion in our family’s history, not just because the celebration of marriage, but also because this means her intimate relationship with my credit card, is now very much at and end.
Very frequently the father of the bride takes this toast, as it frees up more room in the groom speech which enjoys the lion’s share of the formalities. This should be a very simple tribute to those no longer with us, and can also encapsulate those who cannot make it for less fatal reasons. If there are key figures who have passed away then you should go into some detail, if there are lots of family members who have passed away you should make it a general toast and avoid reading out a list of names. You also need to check if you’re mentioning the groom’s relatives that he’s happy for you to take on that role.
It is with great sadness that there are some of our friends and family who are not here to celebrate with us today. I know they would have been so proud, are always in our thoughts and are much missed.
You should welcome the groom’s family and friends, and if it feels appropriate make a specific welcome to his parents, if there are divorces to consider than make sure everyone gets a fair mention.
If they’ve come from just around the corner or from another continent, then have some fun with the situation, bringing both sides together and joining in the fun makes for a much better speech. Look for the similarities and differences in your families, where you come from, accents…anything, and the comedy will be pretty obvious.
If you’ve come from two different parts of the country, or indeed world, think of anything which connects those two places. For instance what connects Bristol and Birmingham,? The M5 motorway. There’s comedy gold in there somewhere!
It’s no easy task to talk about exactly what a person means to you, in such an emotionally charged atmosphere, and the father of the bride speech isn’t simply an opportunity to say your daughter looks beautiful. In order for your speech to be a great success, you need to paint a picture of the person she was, the person she is, and what those intervening years have involved.
This is a celebration of her life thus far, so we want to know what were her hopes and dreams when she was younger? What was her character like, and has she continued to be like that? Pepper this timeline with funny memories and observations, this shouldn’t sound like a CV in spoken form, so the entertainment factor is crucial. What you’re really looking for are stories that indicate just how much, or just how little, her character has changed.
It’s also a really good idea to talk about her passions when she was growing up, because there’s plenty of opportunity to have some fun, especially with topics such as The Spice Girls and One Direction – just how similar is her husband to Harry Styles, and has she kept flying the flag for girl power?
Talking about how successful your daughter has been is always a tricky area because you want to salute her achievements but at the same time you don’t want t to look like you’re showing off. Definitely pay tribute to academic achievements such as degrees, but always resist the urge to include grades, it’s all a bit too much. If school and academia wasn’t your daughter’s thing, then emphasise just how great she is at her job, and how much she loves. Maybe she’s already a parent? Then, that gives ample opportunity to talk about what a caring and devoted mum she is. There’s always something, you just have to be subtle in the way that you phrase it.
Only talk very briefly about how they met, because that is one of the key areas for the groom speech and the last thing you want is to use his material and then leave gaping holes in his speech.
If you like your son in law, then this easily writes itself. Talk about your first meeting, what your initial thoughts were and how good he is for your daughter. Find some fun with his character traits and how they will come in useful looking after your daughter.
However, some dads find themselves in the tricky position of not being that enamoured with the latest addition to the family, and in that case just stretch the truth a bit, say how happy you are for your daughter and keep it short. Don’t be tempted to take pot shots or completely omit him as this will come back to bite you.
This should be the last part of the speech where you summarise what a truly special person she is and what a privilege it’s been to be part of her life. Bring together all the strands that you’ve covered in the rest of the speech and try to frame exactly what your daughter means to you and everyone else.
The key here is to try not to repeat yourself and be as original and heartfelt as you like. I always avoid giving out marriage advice because as best in this day and age it’s slightly dated and at worst it can come across as slightly misplaced…especially if you’re divorced!
Divorce plays a part in many of the father of the bride speeches I write, and handling it in just the right way can not only make it go smoothly on the day, but also prevent any lingering resentment.
It really all depends on what your relationship with your daughter’s mother is like. If you’re on good terms, then it’s perfectly simple: present the speech form yourself, but make sure she gets a good inclusion and plenty of praise for everything she’s done. If you’re on more shaky ground with your former wife, then the words you choose are key, but whatever you do, don’t omit her completely.
It will be a stark omission on the day, and not only will this cause your daughter stress on the day, but it will also prove ample excuse for discourse in the future. In this instance, I usually say what a great job her mother has done and leave it at that.
The length is absolutely critical to the success of the father of the bride speech, and the dads normally fall into two camps: those who want to speak for about 3 days, and those who want to speak for about 30 seconds.
You need to resist the urge to talk endlessly, all the best speeches do what they have to do in the most efficient way, so you should be looking at a talking time of around 7 minutes or so.
Of course, you can have it shorter but you really have to ensure that everyone is included, and that it’s as entertaining as possible, otherwise it’s just going to be a procession of names and facts.
Unlike the Best Man, there is scope to have a little fun here, trading off the fact that fathers and potential suitors often have a fairly tricky relationship. If there were any particularly colourful characters, you can allude to them, but never by name, and suggest what a narrow escape it’s been that she’s not marrying the juggler acrobat with a thing about processed meat. You need no detail here just a comedic overview is fine if you think that will work for your daughter’s sensibilities.
You should really only have one toast to make and that at the end to the happy couple. In some cases the groom will give the absent friends toast to you, and that’s why I’ve included it here, however, don’t be tempted to go any further.
I frequently receive responses form fathers asking why I haven’t included the bridesmaids etc. this bis not your job. Please don’t mention how lovely they look because it’s simply using up words for more important things or even worse making you speech unbearably long. The groom takes care of the official helpers, so don’t steal his thunder!