The ultimate Best Man Speech solution

The Stag weekend – you might still be buzzing from a weekend in Krakow, and have made some interesting new friends and gained life changing experiences, but it’s incredibly dull to listen to. Mentioning the stag weekend will make a handful of guys laugh and just come across as boorish and exclusive. The aim of the game is to make everyone laugh.

Fake Telegrams – This one is the perennial favourite of the best man who has completely run out of things to say, and is about as funny as a punch to the head. Delivering a fake email message from the Ping Pong Strip Club in Bangkok is one of the oldest and most unfunny insert into any best man speech.

Bridesmaids – some best men, buoyed up by a little alcohol and a disproportionate sense of bravado feel inclined to mention the bridesmaids in a lewd and disparaging way. We are now living in the modern world and offering to become their latest conquest is always route 1 to disaster.

Alcohol – this isn’t to be avoided but used in extreme moderation. Drinking for self-confidence all too often results in catastrophic consequences. A couple of drinks in the run up is fine, but any more than that and your performance will be badly affected.

Swearing – most weddings are family occasions for all ages, so swearing is absolutely not acceptable. It’s quite possible to be really funny and emphasise a point without resorting to the F word, and doing so will only ever make you look crass and inappropriate.

Sexual Innuendo – this is another common howler of a mistake. Intimating any form of sexual performance, be it in the past, or indeed involving the bride later on, is a complete no-no.

Ice Breakers –  these are the scripted gags from the internet that have been round the block a million times and are designed to warm up the crowd. The only thing is they’re never funny, and so delivering an age old joke that won’t get a laugh is possibly the most counterproductive way to start your speech.

Being The Best Man – this speech is about the groom, not you, and so I couldn’t care less about how you felt when you were appointed or what you’ve had to put up with. It’s always just filler material for people low on content or imagination.

How They Met – you have to bear in mind that you’re coming after the groom, who will have almost certainly covered this area. The last thing you want to experience as best man is seeing chunks of your speech covered by others.

Ex Girlfriends – yes, it may seem obvious to many of you but this is by far and a way the most common error made in Best Man Speeches. The wedding day is really about one person: the bride. Mentioning former love interests, no matter how flippant you think it might be, will only seek to upset her. It never works in any way, shape or form. Don’t go there.