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The Best Man Speech
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The Best Man Speech should be a pleasure and a privilege, but at the moment maybe it’s not feeling like that! It’s your one chance to stand up and celebrate the groom in a really entertaining way, at the same time letting the world know just what he means to you. Not an easy task.

Chances are you’re not used to writing creatively, aren’t sure where to find the humor, haven’t got much to go on, or don’t know where to begin. That’s where I come in…I write bespoke speeches for people all over the world, just like you, who simply want to make the most of this very special occasion. After all, it’s with you for life!

So, if you’d like to talk about the bespoke speech service I’d love to hear from you!

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The Bespoke Speech Service

  • 1. Every speech is completely unique and individual
  • 2. There are no internet jokes and nothing you’ve heard before
  • 3. Unlimited Editing and support from the minute you commission me.
  • 4. There is a one off fee depending on the level of service, and that can give you unlimited ‘ me ‘ until you deliver the speech
  • 5. It is a completely DISCREET service – nobody will ever know you’ve used me
  • 6. Every speech is written to sound like you wrote it  – but on a really good day !
  • 7. This is the only speech writing service that runs an independent Google verified review system
  • 8. Last Minute Deadlines are no problem

Find out more about the bespoke speech service

I take a great deal of pride in writing the very best speeches, and I’m always happy to talk through your speech with you.

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Things you need to know when writing the speech

Alcohol

A little is a good idea to steady the ship. Too much is the worst idea you’re ever going to have.

Microphone

Use one! All wedding venues have dreadful acoustics. Don’t make life difficult for the guests, let them hear you.

Practice

Don’t try to memorise the speech or you will go insane. Keep reading it and then boil it down to prompt cards.

Length

Never under five minutes, never over ten.

humor

It’s not Saturday Night Live. Keep things daft but not edgy and you’ll have everyone laughing.

Toasts

Don’t mention the bridesmaids, don’t thank anyone. It’s your job to be funny, nothing else. A toast to the happy couple at the end.

Shaky hands

Even super confident guys wobble on the day. If you’re reading out from sheets, attach them to a clipboard to hide the shaky hands.

Girlfriends

Now is not the time for a quick review of the groom’s love life.

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What to avoid

Many wedding speeches are as memorable for what they got wrong, as to how much they got right. For some reason the most educated and intelligent guys seem to save their biggest lapses of judgment for the Best Man Speech. It’s really very easy to avoid disaster but you have to have your mind open to the fact that these suggestions are created from years of experience, and no matter how funny you think what you’re going to say is, if it appears in the list below, forget it.

  • 1. The Stag weekend – you might still be buzzing from a weekend in Krakow, and have made some interesting new friends and gained life changing experiences, but it’s incredibly dull to listen to. Mentioning the stag weekend will make a handful of guys laugh and just come across as boorish and exclusive. The aim of the game is to make everyone laugh.
  • 2. Fake Telegrams – This one is the perennial favourite of the best man who has completely run out of things to say, and is about as funny as a punch to the head. Delivering a fake email message from the Ping Pong Strip Club in Bangkok is one of the oldest and most unfunny insert into any best man speech.
  • 3. Bridesmaids – some best men, buoyed up by a little alcohol and a disproportionate sense of bravado feel inclined to mention the bridesmaids in a lewd and disparaging way. We are now living in the modern world and offering to become their latest conquest is always route 1 to disaster.
  • 4. Alcohol – this isn’t to be avoided but used in extreme moderation. Drinking for self-confidence all too often results in catastrophic consequences. A couple of drinks in the run up is fine, but any more than that and your performance will be badly affected.
  • 5. Swearing – most weddings are family occasions for all ages, so swearing is absolutely not acceptable. It’s quite possible to be really funny and emphasise a point without resorting to the F word, and doing so will only ever make you look crass and inappropriate.
  • 6. Sexual Innuendo – this is another common howler of a mistake. Intimating any form of sexual performance, be it in the past, or indeed involving the bride later on, is a complete no-no.
  • 6. Ice Breakers –  these are the scripted gags from the internet that have been round the block a million times and are designed to warm up the crowd. The only thing is they’re never funny, and so delivering an age old joke that won’t get a laugh is possibly the most counterproductive way to start your speech.
  • 7. Being The Best Man – this speech is about the groom, not you, and so I couldn’t care less about how you felt when you were appointed or what you’ve had to put up with. It’s always just filler material for people low on content or imagination.
  • 7. How They Met – you have to bear in mind that you’re coming after the groom, who will have almost certainly covered this area. The last thing you want to experience as best man is seeing chunks of your speech covered by others.
  • 10. Ex Girlfriends – yes, it may seem obvious to many of you but this is by far and a way the most common error made in Best Man Speeches. The wedding day is really about one person: the bride. Mentioning former love interests, no matter how flippant you think it might be, will only seek to upset her. It never works in any way, shape or form. Don’t go there.

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