100% 5 Star Reviews
Every speech is completely unique and individual
There are no internet jokes and nothing you’ve heard before
Unlimited Editing and support from the minute you commission me.
There is a one off fee depending on the level of service, and that can give you unlimited ‘ me ‘ until you deliver the speech
It is a completely DISCREET service – nobody will ever know you’ve used me
Every speech is written to sound like you wrote it – but on a really good day !
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Last Minute Deadlines are no problem
I take a great deal of pride in writing the very best speeches, and I’m always happy to talk through your speech with you.
A little is a good idea to steady the ship. Too much is the worst idea you’re ever going to have.
Use one! All wedding venues have dreadful acoustics. Don’t make life difficult for the guests, let them hear you.
Don’t try to memorise the speech or you will go insane. Keep reading it and then boil it down to prompt cards.
Never under five minutes, never over ten.
It’s not Saturday Night Live. Keep things daft but not edgy and you’ll have everyone laughing.
Don’t mention the bridesmaids, don’t thank anyone. It’s your job to be funny, nothing else. A toast to the happy couple at the end.
Even super confident guys wobble on the day. If you’re reading out from sheets, attach them to a clipboard to hide the shaky hands.
Now is not the time for a quick review of the groom’s love life.
The Stag weekend – you might still be buzzing from a weekend in Krakow, and have made some interesting new friends and gained life changing experiences, but it’s incredibly dull to listen to. Mentioning the stag weekend will make a handful of guys laugh and just come across as boorish and exclusive. The aim of the game is to make everyone laugh.
Fake Telegrams – This one is the perennial favourite of the best man who has completely run out of things to say, and is about as funny as a punch to the head. Delivering a fake email message from the Ping Pong Strip Club in Bangkok is one of the oldest and most unfunny insert into any best man speech.
Bridesmaids – some best men, buoyed up by a little alcohol and a disproportionate sense of bravado feel inclined to mention the bridesmaids in a lewd and disparaging way. We are now living in the modern world and offering to become their latest conquest is always route 1 to disaster.
Alcohol – this isn’t to be avoided but used in extreme moderation. Drinking for self-confidence all too often results in catastrophic consequences. A couple of drinks in the run up is fine, but any more than that and your performance will be badly affected.
Swearing – most weddings are family occasions for all ages, so swearing is absolutely not acceptable. It’s quite possible to be really funny and emphasise a point without resorting to the F word, and doing so will only ever make you look crass and inappropriate.
Sexual Innuendo – this is another common howler of a mistake. Intimating any form of sexual performance, be it in the past, or indeed involving the bride later on, is a complete no-no.
Ice Breakers – these are the scripted gags from the internet that have been round the block a million times and are designed to warm up the crowd. The only thing is they’re never funny, and so delivering an age old joke that won’t get a laugh is possibly the most counterproductive way to start your speech.
Being The Best Man – this speech is about the groom, not you, and so I couldn’t care less about how you felt when you were appointed or what you’ve had to put up with. It’s always just filler material for people low on content or imagination.
How They Met – you have to bear in mind that you’re coming after the groom, who will have almost certainly covered this area. The last thing you want to experience as best man is seeing chunks of your speech covered by others.
Ex Girlfriends – yes, it may seem obvious to many of you but this is by far and a way the most common error made in Best Man Speeches. The wedding day is really about one person: the bride. Mentioning former love interests, no matter how flippant you think it might be, will only seek to upset her. It never works in any way, shape or form. Don’t go there.
You can have a great speech but it will all come to nothing if you can’t land it on the day. Here are my thoughts on the three main delivery methods.
1. Memorise the whole speech – this is not for the feint hearted and as best men are normally manically busy finding the time to devote to it proves tricky. Also you tend to focus on recalling the speech so much that genuine performance is affected. A mental block can prove catastrophic.
2. Cue Cards – this is probably the most popular way for most best man speeches and does work really well, but you have to know it inside out. Keep reading it every spare minute you have and it will cement itself in your mind. Remember the key words that make a joke sing.
3. Reading from a sheet – Contrary to what some may say, this can work really well. There are just a few things you need to bear in mind: speak as slowly and purposefully as possible, lots of pauses and LOADS of eye contact. Make sure you have something to rest the sheets on as they will be flapping around like crazy if you don’t.