Groom speech: you are now the main event

Having heard about the empty threats to cancel Christmas ever since I was a young boy, it now seems the impossible may well happen, and that our favourite party of the year could be canned. Science people who have no understanding of life outside a lab, and ministers with PPE’s from Oxford who try and talk knowledgeably about viruses, have decided that the most expedient way to destroy human life is to remain as separated as we can until all that’s left is a smoking, charred landscape with a few McDonald’s.

It means that weddings when they come back will probably do so in a series of stages. The summer rules on weddings were an embarrassment to humankind and one day the person who created them will end up in some gulag breaking rocks with their cast iron thickness. No singing, no wind instruments and hymn books are to be self isolated for 2 days – this makes the one about a fish feeding 5000 people look fairly reasonable.

It all means that there will be a greater focus on the speeches, because when it comes to entertainment, that’s about the beginning and the end of it. Your groom speech will be the shining beacon of fun, comedy and sentiment, and so now more than ever, you need to smash it. As bridesmaids won’t be bounced around the dancefloor by uncle Dave who started drinking about 2 days ago, this is where guests will come to get their enjoyment, so it needs to be more than just polished…it needs to be funny.

Never, in the last 60 years, have we needed a laugh more than we do now. Even in the Second World War, the pubs were open, you could go to the movies and dance and sing. So, make sure your groom speech hits the comedy really early on and thread it right through the entire speech. The guests will love you for making them laugh, when in reality very few of us have anything to laugh about. And what’s more, they’ll remember that effort for many years to come.