Covid 19 Shotgun Wedding

THE COMPLETELY LEGAL WAY TO HAVE AS MANY GUESTS AS YOU LIKE AT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION NOW.

As we are all well aware, meeting each other and having a good time has never been so tricky. In fact, it’s largely illegal. You can only be amassed in groups of six, which probably works well for things like dogging, but is hopeless if you’re a family of five and want to invite grandma and granddad for Sunday lunch.

However, all is not lost, as the government has made sure there is a completely legal way to have as many guests as you like at a wedding…you just make it a shoot lunch instead.

Yes, quite incredibly, as thousands of hopeful couples around the country have their wedding plans obliterated by a constantly changing idea of what is safe and what is not, Boris Johnson has deemed that there can be unlimited numbers of guests at a shoot lunch.

The passage below is taken directly from the British Association for shooting and conservation, and refers to the stipulated government Covid policy when it comes to a shoot lunch:

“If on a business premises then more than six people may be present in total, but they must be in individual groups no larger than six, must maintain social distancing and may not socially interact with other groups.”

So that’s it. As long as you’ve built up an appetite hosing down overweight flightless birds, then there is absolutely no limit on numbers.

I’m guessing that quite a few members of the current government know what a shoot looks like from the inside. So, they will be well aware that as the bar generally opens at about 9 o’clock in the morning at the latest, the idea that they’re then going to sit down to an even boozier lunch, and not cuddle each other after drinking their own bodyweight in port is quite frankly ridiculous. In fact, it’s complete nonsense.

Why can it possibly be OK to have organised lunches separated into tables of six for a bunch of blokes in tweed going about non essential recreational activities, when there are couples up and down the country whose plans have been decimated?

To limit weddings to only 15 people has simply made the whole event a non starter. Venues, suppliers and the dozens of businesses that are created around the £12 billion a year wedding industry, are all being walloped. And by the way, they are all viable businesses.

The lost revenue will mean those that can survive will have to suffer another torturous 6 months, meanwhile couples are losing huge deposits, and many face a now 2 year wait due the number of cancelled weddings. And that also impacts planning families and question marks that hang over elderly relatives who may not be here in 2 years.

So, it’s easy. Just have a mini shoot on the morning of your wedding, whack a few birds whilst wearing tweed, and then sit down to your shoot lunch, which then becomes the wedding breakfast.

On every level – the privilege, the self serving disparity between who really needs help and who really doesn’t, and the human misery that stems from that – it is entirely unforgiveable.