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Best man speech – what to say, when there’s nothing to say?

The great thing about being a man is that you can bumble along in life and not really take that much interest in your surroundings, for about the first 30 years. Generally speaking we are a bit self obsessed up until that point, wondering what career to go for, how to get it, and how to make someone like you enough they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. It all means that we don’t tend to focus on the detail very much. Ask any normal man between the ages of 25 to 35, and none of them will be able to tell you what any of their friends’ jobs actually involve. And why should you? There’s nothing worse than someone running you through the plot for a film…except running you through what they do for a living.

Let’s also not forget that for most blokes this period of self discovery from teenage years to early 30’s usually involves a lot of shared experiences that can never be shared with granny, or anyone else for that matter. Very few familial relationships are ready for the nitty gritty of Vegas, and certainly no wedding speeches are either.

So, what does a best man talk about when there’s nothing appropriate you can talk about, and the bits you can talk about are unbelievably boring? This is the situation that nearly everyone finds themselves in, and it’s up to you to make the mundane funny. Firstly focus on what you do know about the groom – his hair colour, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. All of those things may on the surface seem pretty boring but if you open them up a little, there’s comedy gold to be had. It doesn’t take much to make the boy with above average sized ears and captain of the chess club’s transition to Tony & Guy stylist, something hilarious.

You’re looking to describe his journey from bumbling idiot, to the person who’s been lucky enough to convince someone way out of his league to marry him….and it’s that journey which is the funny part. What has he done in the last 20 years that would lead him to the life partner of his dreams. Did his plan to become an actuary and dazzle women with big sums work out? It’s all there, you just have to let your creativity and imagination run a bit wild. Of course where they met, how they met and what’s in it for the bride can all provide comedy ammo…and obviously, I’m being sarcastic. The lovely young bride didn’t really marry Dave because she loved his careful approach to money…but you get what I mean.

So stress less about what you don’t know and work on how you can make what you do know funny.

Written By
Adrian Simpson
7 Mar, 2021

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