Funny Best Man Speech #8

 

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, before I begin I would like to introduce myself to those of you I haven’t yet had the opportunity to meet. My name is Luke and it is my very great pleasure and privilege to be James’ best man for today’s celebrations. Over the next few minutes I will be taking you on the rollercoaster ride that has been James’ life to date. We’ll be hearing about the rebellion, the dwarf throwing and the complete anarchic rejection of society….Actually I think we all know that should have read cycling, golf and engineering but it just doesn’t have quite the same…promise, does it?  

 

Now, I first met James one very cold autumn day having been sent from Dubai to school at Bromsgrove. A long way from home and coming to terms with something called ‘winter’, life was at first, pretty hard to cope with for my 13 year old self. But James overheard me saying I was from Dubai and as it was a country he was interested in, we struck up conversation and have never looked back. Quite why the boy from Stourbridge had a thing for Dubai isn’t clear but all I can say is that when he came there aged 17 and challenged himself to drink a pint of vodka, he probably regretted ever having heard of the place.

 

Anyone who challenges themselves to drink a pint of vodka on paper doesn’t sound that bright, but in James’ defence he is slightly more intelligent than that story suggests. Maybe he was just slightly overwhelmed by having made it to the country of his dreams.

 

Nonetheless from a common ground of the Middle East I had a brand new best friend and a weekend gateway to a place called the West Midlands. It was during these weekend visits to his house that I really got to know James and discovered his love for finding out how things worked. James, was never happier than when he was tinkering about with engines and it’s no surprise to me that this passion led to him to a degree in engineering. Unfortunately he never seemed to spend nearly enough time finding out what made girls tick and the intricacies of their working parts but as we find ourselves here today with James marrying the beautiful Aimee, his strategy has all panned out perfectly.

 

Having James in my life as not only a great friend but a practical set of hands too was always pretty useful. You could be pretty sure that if something was broken he could have a go at fixing it, and if something wasn’t broken he’d break so he could find out how to fix it. There was a memorable time when we were stuck in the wrong part of Birmingham, desperately trying to fit a new door to my car; rain falling, the light fading and with no tools. We faced an impossible task and the real possibility of driving home without any door! James, mutated into Birmingham’s very own version of Mr T and somehow managed to fit the replacement door with little more than a pencil, some string and small stone. I think we can all agree Aimee that in the end being able to mend the boiler is way more romantic than a bunch of flowers.  

 

But when he wasn’t engineering his way out of problems he could be found investing time in several other keen interests, one being loud drum and bass music. For some reason, even though James doesn’t care much for the kids in sports casual clothing who hang around town centres making a nuisance of themselves, he shares their deep love of mindless electronic music. I suppose the parallels are there to be made: they both like tinkering with engines and getting them started. James just happens to own something called a key.

 

And another passion is golf, for which James has won trophies, well at least one. Together we were a force to reckoned with at Stourbridge golf club and as a young boy it was his dream at one point to become a professional golfer. However due to a huge accident of nature meaning he simply didn’t have the raw talent, he settled on the next best thing. Following an engineering degree from Birmingham University and seeing no obvious openings in the Stourbridge underground jungle scene, James took up a career that has something to do with energy or power…something like that. But whatever it is he does, he must be doing ok at it because he’s now a fully fledged grown up having just bought his first house.

 

And after years spent forming relationships with engines James finally decided it was time to make the transition to real live talking female people. This has obviously been a huge challenge for James as unlike engines there aren’t the usual telltale smells and sounds just before they’re about to blow a gasket and some can need constant maintenance. However, somebody as great as my old friend was always going to find someone special and in Aimee I know you have found that person.

 

Aimee, you look absolutely beautiful today, really stunning, I think we can all agree that James is a very lucky guy. Anyone can tell that you are absolutely perfect together and just how happy you make James and to see him so contented and complete means a great deal to all of us.

 

James, our friendship began on that minibus journey all those years ago and it means just as much to me now as it ever did. Without it my young life would have been infinitely harder and the kindness and support both you and your family showed me, will remain with me forever. I know that we don’t get to see each other so much these days but you will always be somebody who’s opinion and judgment I genuinely value. . Thanks for being a great friend when I really needed one and I hope we spend many more good times together in the future.

 

All that remains for me to say is that I hope you enjoy a long and happy life together, with all the luck in the world.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom!