Man accidentally marries horse

Derek Bludger from Hull was left fuming yesterday after his poor eyesight led him to say ‘I do’ to a massive horse. ‘I’m furious to be honest with you’ he steamed ‘if the bloody government had come out with their lockdown eye test advice sooner, me and the horse wouldn’t be in this situation.’

This comes just a day after the Government expanded on its Coronavirus self isolation eye testing advice. Following the groundbreaking discovery by Dominic Cummins that experimental 60 mile car journeys can highlight eyesight deficiencies, Health Secretary Matt Hancock laid out exactly what the new test looks like.

‘It’s really very simple’ mumbled the pastel shaded Matt ‘all we’re asking the public to do if they feel that their eyes are failing, is to head out in a car, with no more than one other person they’re completely not related to, and drive for no less than 60 miles.’

When questioned about the specifics of the test, the ever physically shrinking Health Secretary said ‘It’s really very simple, if you don’t hit anything then your current prescription is fine…if you knock over a bollard, then again, as you say, we will have to look at that and that is something we’re looking at in a clear and transparent way…if you plough into a school gate, as you quite rightly say, this is something we are doing our best to tackle and we all need to tackle this together…if you wallop a pedestrian then again I quite rightly agree with you as does everyone, you should probably get some of those jam jar glasses.’

When questioned by the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg how non drivers could test their eyesight in the current circumstances, Matt Hancock was able to give some insight ‘Yeah, we’ve been working flat out on this, and at the moment it’s either that thing you do with a sharp knife and your hand spread out on a table, or axe juggling…’

This has come too little too late for the hapless Derek ‘This is the last thing I needed. All I had to do was a 60 mile car journey to see if the bloody things worked and now I’m married to a horse. World gone mad if you ask me’

Michael Gove to donate brain for best man robot

Bob Geldof like many wise men, have said all along that although we’re living in straightened times with the Coronavirus, something good would come out of it, and he’s only gone and proved himself right.

Scientists and engineers at London’s Imperial College have been beavering away behind the scenes for the last 18 months to build a best man robot capable of replacing the real thing by 2032. According to insiders it’s been reasonably straightforward replicating a five foot 11 frame with one shaky leg, however, the real issues have been with finding the right kind of brain.

Speaking to us yesterday Professor Brian Storm said ‘we’ve really been looking for a central processing unit capable of spouting complete shit for unlimited periods of time who doesn’t necessarily need a whole load of information to keep talking.’

However, finding that level of sophistication has been incredibly difficult, and making it seem like a genuine best man, almost impossible. ‘It’s true we’ve been looking at all kinds of brains’ the professor continued ‘but you also need a hard wired ambivalence that when everything is going tits up and nobody understands a word you’re saying, you can just keep opening the mouth and continue to confuse everyone. It’s the essence of a classic best man performance’

Things hadn’t been looking great for the team at Imperial until an intern from Heidelberg University’s department of genetic experiments, Messer Schmidt, saw Michael Gove on the LBC interview where he attempted to pretend that he too, just like Dominic Cummings, has made 60 mile car journeys, just to see if his eyes worked.

‘I am so excited on listening to Herr Gove’ Schmidt began enthusiastically…’because to be honest with you I wasn’t sure if I am not understanding this correctly, or if this man really is a Dummkopf!’

‘In Germany we have saying that pleasuring yourself makes you go blind. No wonder this guy must check his eyes, he is the number one self pleasurer for sure!’

The team at Imperial knew they had struck gold after reviewing the interview and witnessing first hand the cabinet minister’s unrivalled ability to talk utter nonsense and to keep going when he realises how much shit he’s in.

‘We got straight on to the cabinet office because a brain like that doesn’t come around too often, and we felt that donating it to science would be just the kind of feelgood story the Government was looking for right now.’ said Professor Storm, ‘hat’s off to Govey though, he said straight off the bat we were welcome to it, as he didn’t use it that often, and when he did, it only seemed to make things worse.’

The team hope to bring Michael Gove in to transfer his brain, within the next day or so, although they have been warned by the cabinet minister they could be taking on more than they bargained for with continuous self promotion and random acts of treachery.

The only type of best man speech

There is only one type of best man speech…and that’s a really funny one. I often speak to guys who say that all they want to do is get up there, say a few lovely words about the bride and groom, toast them and sit down. Well, do so and repent at leisure.

Whether you like it or not, everyone is expecting you to make them laugh. We all know that the best man speech is billed as the entertainment, and if you don’t step up to that role, then there are going to be a lot of confused and disappointed people. In most cases people want to go for a short speech because many best men are paralysed by the thought of making a room full of people laugh, and I completely get that. Making people laugh is a hard won skill, and it takes a lot of thought to get it just right. Those guys that can just rock up and do it effortlessly are few and far between. However, you can’t run from that challenge, because you’re missing the point – this speech isn’t about you, it’s about the groom.

Yes, you might be worried about being funny, but the groom is expecting a comedy send off and it’s your job to deliver. You’ve got to remember that the guests are all on your side, so they’re willing and ready to laugh along with your speech, and if it goes a bit wonky, they’ll love you for trying. And nothing beats the feeling of sitting down to raucous applause and laughter. You’ve got to believe you can do this, and it’s far better to have tried than to give up before you start.

Fake plastic…telegrammes

So many best men that I write for all say the same thing: ‘I haven’t got anything to say!’, and this can be for a whole variety of reason. Sometimes you really don’t know the groom that well, you maybe haven’t hung out with him for years, maybe he’s really boring, or maybe he’s so naughty there’s nothing you can say.

At this point I always advocate a little bit of fantasy to glue the whole thing together, I’m not saying invent stories to take the groom apart, but merely sprinkle some fantasy dust on it to make it funnier. However, it should be all rooted in truth.

If he wanted to be a spaceman when he was younger, then I would use that to create some sort of fictitious application to NASA, or if he keeps crashing cars, then link that back to the fact he’s been born with a big head and this impairs his ability to move and respond in a usual fashion. You can then stretch out both these types of scenarios to write the remainder of the speech – what life was like for a failed spaceman from Didcot. As long as it’s funny and related back to his character, then all is good.

However, whatever you do, don’t be tempted by the fake telegram business, which at best is nonsense and at worst extremely unfunny. There are Chelsea Pensioners that are predated by some of these gags, and as most best men live in fear of delivering a gag and it not working, then this is shark infested waters. Everyone in the room will have heard these before, and they’ve all had to go through the motions of laughing gently whilst sighing and desperately thinking of how to get more wine to the table.

These telegrammes normally come in the form of ‘the girls from the Ping Pong Strip Club in Bangkok say hi’. Whichever way you look at it, it’s seriously unfunny. Maybe when the first guy said it in 1908, it had the necessary comedy clout, but the crucial thing with humour is exposure. The more you’re repeatedly exposed to the same gag, the less funny it becomes, and the bottom line with a best man speech is…it needs to be funny.

Adrian Simpson | best manx speech writer

How To Write Wedding Speeches

Wedding Speeches – two little words, that actually cause an awful lot of frustration, trauma, and pressure for those involved. If you think that that’s an overstatement, I talk to people every single week of the year who have to make a wedding speech, and whose lives have been completely destroyed by it. Over 75% of us fear public speaking more than death, and that doesn’t factor in the added dilemma of public speaking and being funny at the same time, so it’s no wonder many people would rather juggle with sharpened throwing axes.

 

So, it’s time to rationalise that fear, understand it, and do something about it, and without sounding too obvious the problems all stem from the content. The reason you’re not looking forward to standing up and speaking is that you feel whatever you’re about to say simply is good enough; nobody will laugh, nobody will be interested. And chances are, if you’re feeling that way, you’re probably right.

All wedding speeches thrive on the same basic things: lack detail, humour, and length. If you get all those three elements right, then you will have success. You will stand up ready to make your speech knowing that the content, balance and timing are all spot on, and victory will be yours.

DETAIL

This is something that many many wedding speeches get wrong, and is is the single biggest contributing factor to wholesale guest boredom. Do not be tempted to go into any detail whatsoever.

If you’re a groom we don’t need a real time account of how you met your wife, best men avoid granular description of incidents, and fathers of the bride don’t give us every single qualification your daughter has notched up. The aim of a good wedding speech is to demand as little from the listener as possible, and nothing turns them off quicker tun having to sit through boring detail, when really you should be making them laugh.

Wedding speeches are an entertaining overview, not a job application.

 

HUMOUR

Every speech in the world works better for having humour in it, and wedding speeches are no exception, but there does have to be some careful consideration. Humour is never scripted jokes that have nothing to do with the people involved, it’s not one liners you’ve grabbed from internet sites, and it’s certainly not anything that is edgy and borderline obscene. Humour in wedding speeches is warm, inclusive, and genuinely very funny.

Being funny, if it doesn’t come naturally, is a hard won skill, but like most things in life requires time and practice. The real humour can be found in observations around people, what they do, what they like and how they act…it just takes time to think of the best way to describe things so that people will laugh.

LENGTH

The length of wedding speeches is absolutely critical, and something which most speaker get catastrophically wrong. A great speech should never go over ten minutes, if you’re talking beyond that point, you’ll be talking to yourself as the majority of the guests will be tweeting selfies to people they hardly know.

Guests have an attention limit and ten minutes is where it’s at – so many guys I speak to want to shoe horn in more, but it’s really counterproductive, and grooms are the most guilty of this. Do not think for one minute that everyone loves you so much they really want to hear exactly how you met each of the ushers, it’s simply not the case. Less is more. However, if you’re talking for less than 3 minutes, it could take some explaining  afterwards.

 

So, if you can get the three magic ingredients right for your wedding speech, then I can guarantee it will be a winner. Treat all wedding speeches as a good dollop of entertainment and not an opportunity to lecture and people to death, and you’ll be on the right tracks. And if you read it out and aren’t tempted to laugh at least once…then keep working on it. For more tips and hints on the comedy visit the Best Man speech Jokes page.

Best Man Speech Brother

As a Best Man Speech Writer I have a gifted insight in to how grooms operate the world over. I know that the Empire State building is pretty much de rigeur when it comes to proposals, I know that well over 85% of my clients still ask for permission to marry from the father and I know that from the minute the button is pressed the girls take over and you become a passenger on a rather fast, furious and pricey roller coaster ride.

So, pretty much all the groom has to do is choose a best man and organise the cars, except when I say choose…it’s very much one of those situations where there IS a loaded revolver to your head and it WILL go off should you make the wrong decision. There are expectations from your wife to be and your family. One doesn’t want you to ruin everything by choosing the close friend she’s never liked with the potty mouth and drink issues, and the other wants you to choose your brother. So you choose your brother.

This of course keeps both parties happy but doesn’t necessarily make anything easier for you, as most brothers won’t have lived or indeed socialised together for many years by the time the wedding comes around. In fact the only really good stories he has about you are over 25 years old and he really hasn’t got know your girlfriend yet as he lives in Australia. This is a very familiar scenario for me when I’m writing best man speeches. Over 70% of the best man speeches I write are for brothers and they do bring about their unique issues – mainly that they know very little about the groom’s real life after the age of 18.

This is not as worrying as it might first seem because I never really use anecdotes anyway as they’re boring, exclusive and not usually that funny, so you’re forced to think of things in a different, more inclusive and hopefully funnier way. Actually this is how every best man speech should be written – forget the anecdotes and tell a story instead. We don’t care about EXACTLY what happened in his life to date, I want daftness, I want fun and I really don’t care about detail. So don’t worry about not having any information on your brother past the point of puberty – it doesn’t matter.

Instead think about what his dreams were, think about what kind of character he used to be growing up and think how you can use that in a funny way. What were his hobbies, passions and disasters? Put your thinking cap on and make that funny. A good best man speech for a brother should be written in exactly the same way as that for any other best man – with warmth, intelligence and a great dollop of imagination.

 

A Best Man stand before the top table and delivers his speech

Why using props in a Best Man Speech is the worst idea you’re ever going to have

Last night I watched the visual smorgasbord which is The Eurovision Song Contest. It is a bonkers but nonetheless thoroughly entertaining romp around Europe and for some reason Australia, and it proved that in a super groovy high tech digital age, there are some people who are still more than happy to make a bit of a tit of themselves, and for that I love them. Quite why the Italian chap and the dancing gorilla didn’t smash their way to the number spot is completely unfathomable, and then there was a the Austrian guy, for some reason called Nathan Trent, who was swinging about on a moon, but if there was any justice in the world the Romanian yodelling/hip hop crossover should  have elevated the artists to multi millionaires overnight. But their genius was also their undoing.

As Nathan was cuddling his moon most people around the world were looking at the moon and not him. Men were thinking ‘what kind of poundage is the support cable good for?’ and women were Googling if IKEA sold one of those massive moons as it would look  great by the breakfast bar. But nobody was looking at him. The Italian could have been singing out his supermarket shopping list, because when you’re on stage with a dancing gorilla nobody is paying the blindest bit of notice to anything else. And the yodelling and rapping was great right up until the point two massive cannons came into the scene and the rapper just stood on one of them waving like a lunatic. Why were they there? How heavy were they? Do they still fire? Do you need a firearms license for a cannon? Can you still buy ammunition for them?…these were all the things going through my mind…not the song.

And so that brings me to weddings. Picture the scene: you’re incredibly hungover wearing a tailed coat that is single handedly helping to raise your core temperature to inferno level, sucking the last moisture out of your body. Your head is pounding and things like breathing and raising your eyebrows are unbelievably painful, all compounded by severe exhaustion thanks to finally getting to bed just before 6am. It’s now 3pm and you’re frantically trying to make a cable that clearly doesn’t fit your laptop…fit your laptop. Sweat is dripping off your brow and your girlfriend who is among the 100 or so wedding guests hates you and is planning to make this your last public event together.

People are chatting amongst themselves, when finally some bright spark with an iPhone bounces it on to the screen, except the bluetooth connection is shaky, but you plough on anyhow. Luckily this is only the beginning of your troubles because the guys behind the pillar can’t see the screen, and the ones over there can’t see it because there’s too much sun. You then pull out the teddy bear he used to have when he was 4 but absolutely nobody can see that because the teddy is around 10cm tall. And then you go for broke by bringing on one of the stag party modeling the gimp suit the groom wore all weekend. He just stands there. You say ‘this is the gimp suit the groom wore on the stag weekend’. He just stands there.

Props are hideously difficult to pull off. Everybody has got to be able to see them, and that never happens. Technology has got to run smoothly…and that never happens. Power supplies, wifi signals, cables and fading batteries are just some of the things that can hamper progress, but there’s a much more basic reason why you should make your day as simple as possible and avoid them at all costs: and that’s because if you have props, not a single person will be looking at you, or listening to you, which is precisely the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.

Best Men have a hectic enough time without loading themselves up with even more hassle. There’s no replacement for a really funny, well written speech. So my advice is to keep it simple, keep all eyes on you, and instead of walking around with a bundle of cables and a remote control, have a nice glass of champagne and relax.

A Really Good Example of a Really Bad Speech

That Pippa Middleton Best Man Speech

Some people aren’t funny, and there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re happy to admit it, and find another way to fit in socially. But then you get some men, usually Alpha Males with a triathlon habit and lots of charity event challenge T shirts in their wardrobe, who are so unbelievably supersonically thick and conceited, they just don’t realise they have all the comic sensibilities of a Stasi punishment block guard.

Here I’ve given my thoughts on just where he went wrong with his Best Man Speech.

‘Thank you to you all from being here today, some having travelled as both families have roots in Yorkshire, so I will say this: “Hear all, eat all, drink all and let your hair down”. Thank you to all the the flower girls and page boys, who have helped make today so special. They have had a very long day.

He’s meant to introduce himself. It might come as a huge surprise to him but unless he’s made a complete tit of himself at the church, not everyone knows who he is. Do not thank anyone for coming or being there or mention flower girls or page boys or any of that nonsense. By this point in the proceedings the guests have been thanked and welcomed a million times…yet another welcome could see more senior members reach inside their smoking jacket for their service revolver, and the find the nearest study. 

‘Firstly, some messages from those who couldn’t be here today. “Wish Pippa the best with the hair. We have really enjoyed seeing you and how you have mastered interpretive dance. Don’t forget to buttock clench on the star jumps.” That’s from Steve and the gang at the Crazy Feet dance studio in Soho.

I never go with fake telegrams and messages because they are just never funny enough…at least he didn’t ‘receive’ one from the ‘Ping Pong’ Strip Club in Bangkok. Hilarious. Not. 

‘Ladies and gentlemen, as I just said, I have the great honour of being James’ best man.

‘I have to say that James has made it a remarkably easy job since he has been here. He has been totally calm throughout.

Ok, he’s now been talking for around a minute and hasn’t said anything remotely funny, this is far too long for a Best Man to keep the guests waiting. The longer they wait the harder it is to land that gag..and I don’t know, call me mad, but I just don’t think this bloke has got it in him. 

‘Other than having to having to carry all of his baggage, the hard part was to keep the rings safe. James doesn’t ok now this but I have a habit of losing things. Not often, but they are usually quite expensive.

‘So I resolved to keep them on my person the entire time that they were in my custody.

‘We both got up for a run early this morning and James jokingly asked if the rings were on my person.

‘I had them in a shower cap tucked in my shorts. He said “really, in a shower cap? I don’t want that in my head when I am putting the ring on Pippa’s finger in the church.”

‘I’m sure it wasn’t on your mind in the church, but it was on your mind now, sorry Pippa.

If anyone can tell me how this is supposed to be funny, I would be really interested. Actually if anyone could tell me what it means, that would be even better. At best it’s completely unfathomable.  He’s now been rambling on towards the 2 minute mark, has said nothing about the groom whatsoever. 

‘I’m not married. But I took a girl home, my mother didn’t like her. Took another girl home and my mother still didn’t like her.

‘So I went out and picked a girl that looked like my mother, took her home, and my father didn’t like her.

A completely unrelated scripted gag from the internet. It has nothing to do with the bride and groom and is pretty clumsy, but yet again its biggest problem is that it’s criminally unfunny. If he’s still single I can only think it’s because his modus operandi is to ‘laugh girls into bed’…it could be done but it’s going to be like Leicester City winning the league and winning the Lottery all on the same day. 

‘James and I met 10-years-ago. Since then he did enough long distance together that we probably shouldn’t have any cartilage left in our knees. 

Oh, you high adrenaline guys…no really a little more about me and my Pepsi Max lifestyle…

‘While success on the track did not translate to the road, where James was involved in a police chase on his moped as a teenager.

What? This is a statement of fact that is meant as a joke. Where’s the punchline…hang on a minute where’s the funny bit?

‘But I have it on good authority that James is gullible. Early in his career, while racing for motorsport, James was asked to get some items from another racing team.

‘So James promptly asked a competitor’s engineers if he could please have some tartan paint. He then asked for sparks said for spark plugs and elbow grease.

I first heard crap like this as an 8 year old working with my dad. This guy wouldn’t know a joke if it came up and puked all over him. We are now half way through the speech and he’s said nothing meaningful and nothing funny. This is unparalleled.

‘After Formula 3, James pursued a career in the world of finance joining his brother at Lloyds. Once again his gullibility was tested after his team sent him to a bar in Soho to get the drinks then, since was full of people not of James’ sexual persuasion, decided not to go at all.

‘After a few admiring glances James, realising he had been had, and was about to be, turned on his heels and ran.

What I want to know is: when he read any of this out at home, especially that bit above, did he really think anyone would laugh? Has this freak been living in North Korea where laughing out loud is banned or is he on some course of mind bending drugs that prevent him from seeing that he lives in a humour vacuum and makes up for it by going for long runs in aid of charity. 

‘There was a time when both James and I were single. We took ourselves off on a boys’ weekend. I proclaimed to James that I was going to try it on with anything that moves.

‘I said to James, “what are you going to do?” He said: “Stand very still.”

Where do you start? Crass, dreadful rubbish which by now we’ve come to understand is this guy’s thing. Imagine if he came to stay for the weekend…’no, no guys don’t go to bed…I’ve got another real thigh slapper for you…’

‘Now to the love of James’ life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about Jame’s spaniel, Rafa, I’m here to talk about James’ love, Pippa.

I think we’re covering old ground here with this guy…I mean, I would be slightly shocked if he actually came out with something funny but it’s way beyond his skillset. I tell you what: don’t compare the bride to a dog…just a thought. 

‘As James said, they met in Scotland in 2009 and a friendship blossomed.

‘They have a deep and instinctive love for each other.

‘I think I can say for everyone, that you look stunning. The image of perfection. I know that James first fell in love with your gutsiness and your spirit and then succumbed to your beauty. You make James extremely happy.

You have a voir la joie that warms the hearts of everyone who knows you and you have won the heart of the best man that I know.

I bet at this point he’s not thinking you’re not the man he’s knows…

‘With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal, and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in North Wales.

‘At least that’s where I presume they are going as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he [James] was going to Bangor for two weeks. Enjoy the Welsh coast, guys.

Boom boom! Get it Bangor…Bang Her…Yeah? I have to give credit to this guy he saved the most unfunny, uncomfortable and genuinely shit gag until the very end. Unbelievably he’s not managed to say a single thing about the groom…mainly because he’s been too busy destroying his life. 

‘Now for the moment that we have all been waiting for – take it away Fred and Ginger.’ 

The microphone awaits the groom and his speech

Practicing Your Wedding Speech

There is a stat out there somewhere that states we are all much more afraid of public speaking than the prospect of death itself, and you can sort of see why. No one knows for certain what happens when the lights go out for the last time, but we’re all pretty sure it’s preferable to standing up, feeling every drop of moisture instantly leave your mouth, and then trying to crack jokes whilst fending off some kind of bowel related public disgrace. Yes, content is king but practicing your wedding speech is what makes a great speech a truly amazing one.

When it comes to practicing for the big day, you firstly have to be honest about type of person you are. If you’re a naturally super confident, articulate and positive character, then trying to learn the speech and nail it without notes on the day, is a possibility but you have to give yourself time. The best way to go about this is actually not to set out to learn it at all. All you need to do is keep reading it at every opportunity you have, and before you know it all those words will have cemented in your head. Then once you have the words to each paragraph licked just work out a way to remember how the end of one paragraph links to the following one – some people use prompt cards, others can find a way to remember without prompts. If you set out to learn it parrot fashion it will be by far the quickest and most efficient way to get yourself sectioned…and the wedding really wouldn’t be the same without you. The danger of this approach is that all your focus will be spent on remembering the words and consequently the performance will suffer, so don’t forget to practice making it sound entertaining – that means pauses and intonation.

Personally, I would avoid the modern temptation to read your speech from your iPhone. Every day we have the things glued to our face and if you want to look like you really don’t care, then please go right ahead. That also applies to auto cues on iPads. I used these as a television presenter for many years and unless you’ve got hours of practice under your belt they suck the life out of a performance, simply because you’re not focussed on the audience.

If you’re less confident about speaking in front of people then there is nothing at all wrong with reading the speech out from sheets of paper, however, there are some key issues you need to be aware of. Firstly head down and buried in bundle of papers might be a great way for you to hide whilst making the speech but it will undoubtedly render there whole event a miserable and joyless experience for all concerned. You must maintain as much  eye contact as possible, and read it as slowly and purposefully as possible. If you follow the temptation to rattle through nobody will understand a word you’re saying, and you may as well be reading out the menu. And lastly, have something to rest your papers on – you’ll be pumped up and those papers will be shaking like a leaf so you’ll need to mask that with a folder or a book. Keep reading it through so that there will be now words that will trip you up on the day..and remember to look happy!

View of the best man making a speech at a wedding reception

Talk About Being Best Man

Probably the most cliched and pointless of all the well trodden ways of attacking a Best man’s Speech is to spend a huge chunk of the speech talking about being the best man. For me this is about as close as it gets to admitting you simply couldn’t be bothered to really think about the best man’s speech and just decided to go for filler instead of killer. If at this point you’re thinking ‘well all the templates I’ve seen online talk about being best man!’…yes they do. They also have some of the worst one liners, jokes, conceits and layout of any speeches known to man.

The basic idea of a best man’s speech is to talk about the groom, not about you. It is after all his big day not yours, and your job is to celebrate him and his new wife, be as funny as you can and chuck in some genuinely heartfelt sentiment. You’ve only got a maximum of ten minutes to get the job done and wasting time going through the various ins and outs of best man duty is about as counterproductive as it is funny. The worst part of all is that anything you’re likely to say on this subject has undoubtedly been lifted from a template and heard a million times before. And it wasn’t that funny the first time around.

This whole approach stems from some best men approaching this speech as if they’re a budding stand up comedian. Stand up comedians talk about themselves constantly because that’s their way of introducing seemingly real and funny observations about the world. They want to project a humorous take on something by using themselves and that’s fair enough. Best men are not stand up comedians, some might think they are and you can usually tell them by the over zealous rapport they try to build with the audience. Yes, you should engage, excite and at times communicate with your audience but in a warm, gentle and sincere way; not mic in hand firing off one liners and waiting for the applause. Anyway you have a ready made source of material that needs no introduction: the groom.

If you’re talking about yourself then you’ve run out of ideas. If you’ve run out of ideas then you’re not thinking hard enough. If you really want to kick things off in style then a good place to start is by visiting the Best Man Speech Opening Lines page and discover other ways to achieve victory.

 

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